By Eric Plantenberg

Two weeks ago Michelle and I shared with you, “What To Do if Your Partner is Not on The Same Page as You Are with Goals.”  From that, many questions were asked about the concept of compromise.

Compromise – A concession that is mutually made by both partners.

So here are the Do’s and Don’ts…

When To Use It

Compromise is great for short term actions where you and the other person involved are working towards the same goal.  For example…if the goal is to eat dinner and one person wants Italian and the other Mexican…compromise is great because in the end you both end up with full stomachs.

When It Is Ineffective

Don’t compromise on your emotional state or on your bigger picture vision of where you want to take your life.  If your partner is stuck, or if you are the one stuck, on connecting with someone else’s goals, start by asking, “What is behind getting stuck; or, What is the other person afraid of?”

The two most common responses are:
 1.  My partner doesn’t want me to out grow them and leave them behind.
2.  We wont spend as much time together and we could grow apart.

The solution to these two situations is not going to be found in a compromise.   The reality is there is a fundamental insecurity or fear associated here, and this is not the time to compromise.

If both partners are committed to growing you can find the win-win with a little creativity.  The beauty is that no one gets left behind with two growing people.

If you find that you are no longer working towards the same larger vision, than look for the peace, willingness, and trust in The Natural Death of the relationship.

By compromising on short term actions and standing your ground on your vision for life, you create a space for all parties to flourish and expand.  The key is to find a way for all parties to grow by supporting one another.

Reply with your questions, comments, or experience around compromise…I’d love to hear from you.

be free!
eric