Cultivating Unconditional Confidence

By Reena Desai

reena-desaiThis article is being reproduced with the permission of Reena Desai. For more information on Reena’s live events, newsletters, and experiences, please visit


I remember asking myself a question when I was around eight years old.  The question was, “What is the most important thing you need to fulfill anything in life?”

I actually remember asking myself this, and the answer that came was, “You have to believe in yourself no matter what, even if others don’t.”

Though I had this understanding at a young age, I have to say I am unfolding into this wisdom every day and especially as I grow bigger into my mission and dreams.

And I know I’m not alone.

I heard from some of you about how last week’s newsletter, “Getting Out of Your Own Way,” resonated with you and I have been having many related conversations with my sisters this past week.

So a question is, how do you believe in yourself and in getting your message and truth out there in the world even when you’re feeling down?

Something that really spoke to me this past week, was an audio series by Pema Chodron, the Buddhist Monk, on the topic of cultivating unconditional confidence.

What she says is the key to cultivating unconditional confidence is a constant gentleness with oneself. 

It’s easy to be gentle with ourselves when things are going well, but when they’re not we immediately ‘abandon ourselves’ in some way.

We start beating ourselves up, or we start suppressing, running or hiding from the painful emotions.

We were taught to be up on ourselves, be either being beaten up, whether physical or emotional, and seeing our parents or close ones beat themselves up.

Our mothers and lineages carry this pain, which is essentially a form of self-hate.  It’s a product of a society we live in, that we are now evolving out of, starting with our own Self-Love.

So I want to offer and challenge you with something this week, and actually forever!

Can you commit to being gentle with yourself in “good or bad”, through “thick or thin,” and especially at those moments when you feel just awful? 

Exactly at those moments, treat yourself like the most delicate baby or child and give her the most amount of love your grown-up self can give her.

And to tell you the truth this might be a love that you never received from your own parents, but it is a LOVE that is your birthright.

It’s a love that is YOU and that serves as the foundation of your self-belief and confidence to manifest everything and all that you are meant to manifest in this lifetime.

I think many of us feel by now, that what the world needs so desperately is more love. This love will come from women and it will come from a Mother’s unconditional love and compassion.

This starts with you and treating yourself with compassion and gentleness no matter what.

I wish you a beautiful, gentle and joyful weekend.

With Great LOVE!