By Sheila Kelley

(Posted With Permission by Sheila Kelley S Factor, April 2005)


I love being a woman. I love everything about it. The foul moods. The shimmering glee.  The curves, bumps and soft skin. The enormous, ever changing heart.


Round, grounded, fertile, arid, wet, unpredictable and peaked, we, like Mother Earth, radiate with warmth, understanding, internal and external beauty, grace, peace, and the push and pull of polar opposites that comes with the waxing and waning of the moon. In this cyclic process, we create balance, stability, and security in moments of chaos and are Mother Nature, or, better yet, mother nurturer to all.


But who nurtures you? Who nurtures the women of the world?


We came from mothers and fathers and, hopefully, they were nurturing in one way or another. We moved away from home, some of us went to college, some to work. Then, maybe, we found a love, and he nurtured great until…well, his needs overwhelmed yours and you began nurturing him, because you know guys do that sometimes. Then, maybe kids came, or not, but you’re still nurturing him and the kids or child-like friends in your life who need nurturing. Work gets more consuming as you grow up and, before you know it, you’re nurturing work and him and them, and if you have a pet, you end up the nurturer there, too. And as your parents age they start to need someone to lean on and that someone is probably going to be you.  And you’re about to fall apart because you’ve spent every last cent of giving on everyone else and you’re tired and you feel empty ‘cause who’s filling you up? Most days we feel like Mother Earth with our natural resources tapped, our natural beauty disappearing, and our purity tarnished with pollution.


So, who’s nurturing you? Maybe you used to nurture you before him/kids/pets/work/parents, but then you became last in line, and you got use to it, and by the time it was your turn to get your attention, there was nothing left. Who do you turn to? A shrink? Tried that and, although it was good for a while, where was that unconditional love in return that I give so freely? Do you turn to God and religion? God’s great, and religion…? Sure, it can be helpful but I need some human touch and nurturing and physical warmth. Do you turn to another man? Tsk tsk, uh uh, no. That’s just too damned unreal and too damned destructive.


Do you turn to friends? In this compartmentalized, insanely busy world, are friends really there to nurture you? Hell, they’re probably in the same boat as you, nurturing him/kids/job/pet/parents. So one day, just like Mother Nature you erupt and scream “enough!” and discover that what you are left with is a choice. You cannot be all things to all living creatures if you don’t have YOU anymore. You must put yourself first or all else fails. I believe this fully and heartily and I try to live this every day of my life. Oh yes, I say no to him, I say no to work, I even say no to the pet until I get what I need, and sometimes, when I’m sure they have what they need, I say no to the kids. It’s survival.


And one of the things I need more than anything else in the world is my time connecting to my feminine core. It regenerates me like nothing else. It inspires me. It fires me up and impassions me. How do I connect to the pure feminine in me? One way is lingering in moments of deep and true emotion rather than running past or squelching them like I used to do. If I am overwhelmed with emotion, I let it ring out, runny nose and all! So what if it makes people uncomfortable. It is time for the world to understand that emotion is not shameful. It is not weak. It is one of the greatest gifts that we have been given in our lives. Another way I connect to my feminine soul is in my S Factor undulations. Whether it’s in a class for two hours of pure femme time. Or home alone in my living room I get an hour of pure invigoration. Healing time. Resurrection time. It’s my unconditional love time for me. It’s the time when I reconnect with the Earth, which grounds me. I feel high as a kite and grounded securely to the Earth at the same time, connected to the Earthen woman inside of me. And when I give her—the sometimes forgotten woman inside of me—focused time, I get nurtured.


By shifting my focus from outside myself to deeply into my body, my senses and my emotions, I feel calmed. This inner focus transcends me to a euphoric state of being, and opens me up to the ‘something’s coming’ of life. How do you focus your attention inward? You can find a way, but you have to put your foot down and demand private, alone time. I can’t say that any more profoundly. Oh wait, yes I can. You need PRIVATE-ALONE-TIME. During this time—I would suggest no less than two hours per week—spend it lovingly on your body. Try a weekly massage or manicure. Eat a tasty and healthy self-prepared meal served with candles on your best china and savored slowly. Do a workout that focuses you inward. Meditate. Whatever it is that you do for your body, make sure it is something that feels good. That feels like it fills you back up instead of depleting you.


Yes, I love being a woman for so many reasons. I love my high heels and I love flirty skirts. I love my shit-kicker motorcycle boots and warm sudsy baths with rose scented bath bombs. I love facials and hot oil hair massages. I love my curves and even my not-so-curvy curves. And what I love the most is the sexual woman inside of me who has the power to heal, comfort, and nurture me through life.


Think about it. And ask yourself, “How will I nurture myself today?”