By Salenta Fox
Stuffing emotions and feelings is one of the unhealthiest things you can do. Kinda like stuffing your body with food, not the best for your health.
I used to be one of the worst offenders in this area, and have gotten a lot better at speaking up, but every now and again I fall into my old ways. After a recent experience with this I see it’s not only good for my health to speak up, but also good for the safety of those in my path.
It’s a paradox really; people keep their feelings inside because they think it keeps them safe. I would hold my tongue in fear of having the other person not like me, or, if I felt the other person might react badly with negative consequence to follow. But, not speaking up has far more safety hazards than keeping it in.
When you don’t speak up, and stuff the emotions instead, one of three things happens.
1) You stuff until you can’t hold it anymore and BOOM, explosion!
Not safe for the people in your line of fire, Nor for you! There is only so much pressure someone can take before the lid blows, physics and emotions alike. All that pent up emotion has to go somewhere, and if you withhold for long enough, you are likely to let the person have it when the pressure gets too much. And, you are not only going to be mad about what just happened, if you hold it in long enough you are likely to blow a gasket over the littlest thing.
2) Harbored resentment, bitterness, anger leads to health issues and possible weight gain.
When you don’t express your emotion, which is really stopping the energy in motion, that energy has to go somewhere. If it’s not going out to the person or situation you have an issue with, its getting stored away inside you. The body is then forced to store and hold these emotions to cope. Some people gain weight, some get sick, and some just become really bitter to the point you can feel this bitterness oozing from them. These people also tend to displace their anger onto the nearest convenient ‘safe’ outlet instead of addressing the real issue. They will yell at their kids, or blow up on some innocent bystander, but don’t have the courage to speak up to the source of the unhappiness.
3) Depression, sadness, and anger at self, leading to self-deprecating thoughts and actions.
These people too stuff their emotions, but instead of taking it out on others, they take it out on themselves. They don’t feel worthy enough to speak up because they feel their opinion does not matter, and because they don’t speak up, they feel even worse about themselves thus creating a vicious cycle. They get sad, depressed and feel worthless. Their self-esteem gets chipped away little by little the more they hold their tongue.
I can safely say I’ve done all three, and am still working at perfecting my “I don’t like you doing that” skills. I have become 100% better at expressing my emotions but still from time to time I withhold, and then, for me, I blow.
This happened recently, reminding me of the importance of speaking up the first time. It really is healthier for me and the people around me.
A few months ago I was personally invited to a group on Facebook by a woman I did not know, but thought I would join her group as the members fell into my target market… or so I thought.
Well, this group was an EX- religion group; I won’t specify which one. As the weeks went on I noticed all this group did was say negative things and bag on the church as well as the people in it. I just observed.
I started posting positive things on the group wall and when I did, my posts where promptly removed. This should have been my first clue.
I thought about removing myself from the group but didn’t. Finally, after months of seeing this negative stuff littering my newsfeed I snapped. This was not my proudest moment but it happened. I proceeded to let them all know exactly what I thought about them and how they were no different from the people they made a hobby out of ridiculing day in and day out. I was still coming from love, but my word choices were a bit colorful, to say the least.
The responses were less than favorable; they did not feel any love. And of course now I became their punching bag. I really didn’t care about that, but what I did care about was the way I handled the situation.
If I had voiced my opinion earlier in a healthy way, and opted out, things would have been more calm, but instead I waited till my breaking point… letting all my fire loose on them.
How often do you do this in your life? How often do you not speak up when something happens that you don’t agree with?
Speaking up takes courage, but you have a right to be heard.
If you struggle with this same issue in your life, there are steps and actions to take to remedy this.
First, ask why you don’t speak up as much as you feel to?
Is it safety issues, learned behavior, worth issues or something else?
Was it a learned behavior from a parent, or did you adopt it as a coping mechanism to survive? The reasons are not as important as doing something different.
As children it is often not safe to speak one’s mind. Even though, you are now an adult, it might be just as scary to speak up because of reinforced fear patterns.
If you still do question your safety when you voice your opinions, look to see if the safety threat is real or perceived. If you are in a situation where your safety really is threatened, I advise you seek counsel and help and get yourself out of that situation.
If the safety threat is perceived, I encourage you to start practicing speaking up and saying what is on your mind.
If indeed by you speaking up, someone no longer wants to be your friend then good, you were obviously not a good match to begin with. If this person is your partner, be patient, they are used to you acting a certain way, and by you changing, it is forcing them to change too. Always remember to come from love. Keep calm, and don’t fight back. Just state your case with no excuses and little to no explaining. Stand your ground.
Secondly, you have to start doing things differently.
Start speaking, even in the midst of adversity.
The more engrained this pattern and habit is, the more practice it will take. You might feel fear come up, you might feel anger at yourself for keeping quiet for all these years, but either way, expect lots of emotions to start surfacing.
If stuffing is a long time habit, there’s going to be lots of pressure, and as soon as you give yourself permission to let this pressure off, the whole lid might go flying. Expect this and be okay with it. But this does not have to be the case; you can easefully transition into voicing your concerns or dislikes in a calm way too.
Thirdly, start building your self-esteem.
The number one reason you don’t speak up is because you are lacking in the self-worth area, and the more you don’t speak up, the more you are negatively affected.
So start building yourself up. The more you work on loving, appreciating and valuing you, the easier it will be to vocalize your dissatisfactions, and be willing to let go of people who are no longer a vibrational match.
The more you love and build yourself up, the more other good things will come into your life too. You might just easily loose ten pounds; you might just feel great, light, and happy and release depression.
The benefits of self-worth are more than I can state here. This is everything; the cornerstone to a healthy, happy, love filled life.
You are a courageous woman, even if that courage is buried deep inside of you. I invite you to tune into this courage and take the steps needed to be healthier and safer in this area of your life.
Speak up, feel great, and save your loved ones some fireworks.
PS… If you are struggling with self-worth, confidence, sensuality, or personal empowerment issues please contact me.
Or, if you know you are ready to level-up and live a fuller, happier, life click the link below to learn more about the Foundational Femme movement and how you can get involved and HAVE IT ALL.
Love Love Love
Salenta
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